Me at 43

I’m writing this sitting on my patio, with only a light from the fire table and the moon. I’ve taken my 3rd dose of allergy medication and I’m caught between just sitting here and pouring me a small glass of whiskey. I’m not sure if I’m enjoying this so much because of the contrast between the dark and the light or it’s because I know my neighbors floodlights will soon ruin it.

I turned 43 last week and as I am apt to do, I’m sitting here thinking about how I got here and where I am going next.  It’s true what the older folks said…one day you’re 23 and feel invincible and the next you’re 43 and realize you have a lot to learn still.

My life is vastly different than I had it drawn up but I wouldn’t change it. The everyday struggles, successes, and failures aren’t as dire as I had made them years ago. I feel like I’m still finding myself, well, the better term would probably be refining myself.

I’m more lenient with myself these days. It’s not based on my own growth or some epiphany that I’ve had as much as it is that I can see those same shortcomings in my kids. I’m still stressed and exhausted more days than I care to count but I’ve learned to look up and enjoy the sunshine some days.

I’m ok with being alone but I’m not loner that I once was. I have a pretty extensive tribe that much to the chagrin of 25 year old me, I need. Life is too hard and short not to enjoy it when you can and people do make it enjoyable.

I’m a lot of different things that I never thought I could be. I’m a family guy with a standing tattoo appointment. I can make sure my wife and kids have what they need and communicate my needs. I thank God for that.

Here’s to 43. I’m curious about what this trip around the sun will bring me.